Facebook Breakdown

Facebook, the social media sensation, has become the social media sucksation, sucking the life and fun right out of you. I have never seen such a gathering of needy, greedy, whiny ass, lazy, complaining, attention seeking losers since our church started their Christian singles meetings. Lets do a breakdown:
1. The Emotionally Needy,

obviously does not get enough attention at home or work and despite spending most of their toddler years dropping the same toy off their high chair, no one bothered to notice and give it back to them. 
RED FLAGS... The red flags for these facebookers should be easy to spot, they are subject to anger outbursts if you do not "like" their status or comment within 20 minutes. You are likely to incur the wrath if you do not comment on their comment and if they respond to your comment you had better respond to that within 20 minutes with no fewer than 10 words. They experience sheer and utter terror and panic if you are not seen on FB or haven't commented within the last 12 hours, they will think of any bullshit reason to IM you and will watch, checking every 3 minutes to see if you read their IM, if they see that you read it and you do not respond within 90 seconds, you could be subject to unfriending, good for you!! They forget, Honey Badgers don't give a fuck. 

2. The Whiner,

"Oh, woe is me, my day sucks, no, my week sucks, no, my entire life sucks. In fact, no ones life has ever or will ever suck more than my life does". This person does not want to hear about your problems because their life does indeed suck more and they should have your undivided attention in the fact that their life sucks. From the minute their feet hit the floor until they go back to bed, it's all been suck and the funny thing is, it is never their fault. Their life is a series of persecutions not brought on by them and you better damn well, respond to the 40th status of the day about how their life sucks. You better show pity and lots of it. You think it is easy for these people??? You try posting that you are sobbing with tears right now as you are typing and they do it with no typo's!
RED FLAGS.....Virtually 100% of posts will be in the form of pity me  (send me things) (cash will do) , look for phrases like: "my life sucks, oh why does this keep happening to me, my sister is taking me to court, I have no job, I have no money, my kid has 17 heads, my pet hamster died twice today, my utilities are being shut off, I'm going to be homeless, I will be in a shelter, goodbye cruel world, oh!what am I going to do." Which is usually followed up by a post of how they are going out to eat and you notice how they have internet everyday. Oh! why can't their internet go down!